Perfect Substitute
by ayrenni
Summary: Once again Eric Delko has to realize that he is nothing but a substitute, nothing but a temporary solution waiting to be replaced by someone better. Please read and review!


Author's Note: I think that Eric is a very interesting character in the shows and that's why I wrote this short little fic to explain his way of acting. Oh, and if you find any major grammar or spelling mistakes you can either blame my English teacher, because I am German, or my lack of sleep that I got this night

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI:Miami or any of the characters of the show, and I don't make any profit by writing.

Summary: Since the day that Speed died Eric has always tried to fill the gaps.

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**Perfect Substitute**

At times like these, Eric just couldn't help but feel the sting of betrayal that he had felt some months ago for the first time. And once again he had to realize that he had been nothing more than a temporary solution, a replacement till someone or something better was found. Just like all the times before. When this development had started, the Russian-Cuban had a very definite picture. Once upon a time he used to be independent and his own man, he had never been a substitute kind of person before.

There had been a time, when neither the Lab, nor his family had needed a substitute. They had been more or less happy; there had been exactly the right kind of balance. Till the day that Speedle, his best friend had died, because he hadn't cleaned his gun. The time after that had been hard on everyone, on Horatio, Calleigh and of course on Eric himself.

But that was also the time when Eric had begun to be the substitute for everyone else. And he wasn't capable of not blaming Speed at least a little bit for leaving the all alone, for leaving him all alone to deal with a Horatio that blamed himself for the death of his subordinate, and a grieving Calleigh, that he could hardly get to stop crying.

He had tried so hard to replace Speedle as a lab-tech, and had to realize that he would never be able to measure up to his former best friend. He would never be anything else but the person that tried to be like Speed, the former friend that tried to fill the gap that Speed had left behind, in their team, in their hearts, in their family. He had tried and failed miserably.

The first time Eric felt the pain of being replaced by someone, who was better and more capable, was when Horatio engaged a rooky and gave the case with Calleigh's father over to this young and eager man, who had never led an investigation before.

Eric had tried to be Speed, had tried to copy his brilliancy, the role he played for Alexx, Calleigh and Horatio. And still he had to watch how this Ryan was accepted by Alexx, who took him into her heart and into her inner circle of family right the moment she got aware of him. He was forced to understand that his services as substitute person weren't needed anymore; they had found their permanent solution, their new Speed. And Eric could never compete with that.

So Eric could only step back and watch, as if he were behind a window, watching a scene without understanding what was being said and still realizing what the play was supposed to express. But the Russian-Cuban couldn't shake off the patterns he had become used to over the last few weeks.

He had learned to become always the kind of person that everyone else needed. If Calleigh needed someone, who told her to come back down on earth, Eric would be the one to do it. If Alexx needed someone, whom she could talk about Speed with, Eric would be the one to talk to her, the one to remember with her, no matter how hard it all was on him.

So Eric went on like this, he extended this ability even more and at some point he begun to be nothing more but a substitute for all the girls that he went out with and took to bed. He was nothing but a temporary solution, that's what he had learned. And the better he did at replacing another man, the longer the girl would want to keep him instead of getting someone real new.

So he became the tennis teacher for Tiffany, whom she was secretly in love with, he was Maria's ex-boyfriend, who had treated her not really great, who didn't really care about her well-being. He was everything that the others wanted and needed, but he was never himself. Sometimes Eric was scared of the question if he had lost himself along the way of becoming the perfect replacement, the perfect substitute man he was today, because there were times when he himself didn't know the answer to it.

Eric had thought it bad enough to be nothing but a temporary solution at work, but at home at least he had been able to be just himself, just Eric, the baby of the family. No one there needed him to be here for them, at least not the same way his co-workers seemed to.

But with Marisol getting ill everything had changed once more. He had done everything for her, had paid her doctors, he had tried to save her once she was arrested by the police. Hell, he even would have been almost fired because of her.

Eric hat thought that at least with his sister, he didn't need to be a replacement, he could be her brother and that was it. But he was wrong once again. That fact was realized by Eric the moment he saw Marisol and Horatio together.

And this time the sting of betrayal had been the worst of all. It had never been that bad before, because it had never before concerned a member of his family. He had never been only a temporary solution for someone of his family.

But the moment he saw the two of them together, his sister and his boss, it became clear to Eric that he had been nothing but a substitute for Horatio. For Marisol he had been nothing but a weaker and worse version of Horatio, someone to deposit of before she could take on the real person. He had tried real hard to be everything for Marisol, he would have given everything to make her happy, to be able to make her smile.

And again Eric had to see that someone else, who was better than he was, was replacing him. Eric was sick and tired of being the substitute man for everyone else, to be the person that was always exactly the thing that was needed. He had had enough of trying and failing, of replacing and being replaced. And as he watched Horatio and Marisol smiling together, Eric couldn't help but think bitterly that he had failed once again.

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